"Mawidge... Mawidge is what brings us togever today!"

For those of you who don't know me before I met Handsome Face, I had little to no commitment in my adult dating life. I was an "out every night, drinkin' and flirtin'" it up kind of gal. I was disgustingly independent and had my fair share of adventurous romps. Of course nothing I am willing to share publicly, but let's just say I went through men (well to be frank, boys). Quicker than you can spell scandalous. Marriage was never  even close to being on my radar. I was just flying through life the funnest way I knew how. Who had time to slow down? To breathe or even fathom change? Not this girl. I had a preconceived notion of what marriage was like, and how marriage affected those closest to me growing up and I vowed that I would never be that person. I would never get married.

I never once doubted that my parents weren't happy at one time, or that they didn't love each other, but in my teenage and young adult years I saw my mother lose more and more of who she was for the sake of keeping the marriage and our family together. I knew she was happy and my step-dad wasn't happy either and it is harder to admit when something just doesn't work than to just cover it up. Because in her day, that is what you did, for better or for worst, even if the worst ridiculously out weighed the better.

Or on a different note, seeing my sister get married for the sake of getting married. I am sure she probably had legitimate reasons for marrying as many times as she did but to an outsider, like myself, she was just a serial monogamist. In some sense it made me feel like the institution of marriage was a joke or meant very little. She spent little to know time getting to know herself before she got into these relationships and  marriages and I think that paid a large toll the the success rate. She never gave herself a chance to experience life single or figure out who she was that she just molded herself to the individual situations, which sadly to say, is probably why none of them worked out.

These were the images of marriage that I had in my mind. We are victims of circumstance or of example rather. Our perception of all things is instilled in us by the precedents that are set in our youth. We learn our manners, and what is expected of us when growing up and tend to live by example of our parents that come before us.  So needless to say, this is what deterred me from ever entering into a committed relationship with anyone. I didn't want to be with anyone who made me lose who I was, or who would want to change me. I didn't want to be in a loveless, hopeless, unrelenting marriage. But how can anyone blame me? That was what my definition of marriage was, that was the norm for me, but I guess didn't know any better. This is why I spent my time boozing it up and partying every chance I got and leaving has many guys in the dust during my passing. What I didn't realize in those years was that I had the ability to change my path. That I didn't need to fall into the same situations that my mother or sister put themselves in.

Okay Sooooo the point of this blog was to not to be glum. With all of that said, let's get to the point shall we. Over the course of the last 4 years I have one, moved away from my home town. Two, landed a great job that has not only tested my strengths and abilities but has shown me glimpses of my future and how bright it looks. Lastly but certainly not the least, Three, I have discovered myself and unearthed the things that were important to my life and those which were no longer needed. And then I met Handsome Face....

Don't get me wrong our relationship wasn't always sunshine and kittens. It was rough, rocky and seemed to be doomed from the beginning. We probably broke up and got back together at least 4 times in the first year. He was just like me came from a background of skewed marriages/relationships and he had been hurt severely by his previous relationships. He was on lock down from the inside and I was terrible at communication (I know me? terrible at communication? Haha well believe it). It took a long time and some exhausting back and forths. It finally go to a point where we needed to decide, is this something that is worth continuing? Or do we call it quits and burn the bridge?

Well I am happy to say that in 4 days Handsome face and I will be tying the knot. Through all the ups and downs, through all the trials and tribulations, and through the good and the bad we made it. We are stronger than we ever were before and we keep getting stronger. He is the love of my life and my best friend. I cannot even fathom one day in this world with out him. I am not saying that I believe in fate but I am also not saying that I don't. All I know is there is some bigger plan for all of us and I knew that Handsome Face was meant to hold his hand in mine for the rest of our lives. I guess when it's right its right.

So until next time kids, please be good to each other! Xoxo